We Seriously Let Them Treat Us Like This?

Here is, verbatim, the transcript of my live chat session with Bank of America last night regarding the Detroit Red Wings MasterCard I applied for on 4/15/2007. Enjoy:

Welcome to an online Card chat session at Bank of America. Please hold while we connect you to the next available Card Specialist. Your chat may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes. You are number 2 in a queue of 2. Thank you for your patience.

Hello, my name is Michelle. Thank you for contacting Bank of America. I am happy to assist you with your online credit card application or balance transfer request.

you: I was wondering what's taking so long on my application... the page says that I'll receive an email in "a few days" but it's been over a week and I've received no communication whatsoever.

Michelle: Thanks again for your application, and we look forward to serving your banking needs! Was there anything else I can do for you today?

Michelle: Generally this process can take 3 to 4 weeks to further verify information on your credit card application...

you: That's ridiculous. It clearly states that normally credit decisions can be provided right away. I can get my credit score in 5 minutes, tops. The bank I just opened an account with last weekend checked everything within 30 minutes. How in the world is it going to take 3-4 weeks? And furthermore, how come I was told "a few days" if it can be 3-4 weeks?

Michelle: You have received a response within 60 seconds.

Michelle: However, based on the information provided by you on the application, further review is necessary

Michelle: No worries, our credit department will be in contact with you via email or by phone very soon.

Michelle: Again, thank you for applying with us, and have

Michelle: a great rest of the day.

Michelle: =o)

you: Are you serious? Saying "We need more time" and "Within a few days, we'll send you an email informing you that a decision has been made on your application" is not a valid response

you: We're not done here

Michelle: Wonderful!

Michelle: Do you currently have a checking or savings account with us?

Michelle: I would like to share the special offers we currently have available for checking/savings accounts with you. Would you like me to transfer you to a specialist to get more information?

you: No, I don't

you: Are you seriously trying to sell me? I'm furious with your company, and you're trying to sell me?

you: You need to make a decision on my application, or put someone on who can. I have great credit, there's no earthly reason for the application to take as long as it's taking.

Michelle: I definitely understand your concerns and if I could help, I would not hesitate to do so. But you need to address your concerns with the proper area in which I provided the contact information.

Michelle: Our credit department will be in contact with you very soon. This chat feature is to assist with

you: You haven't provided any contact information. Now you're just flat out lying to me.

Michelle: new credit card application, which you have already applied for.

you: What does "very soon" mean?

Michelle: Thank you, would you like to apply for another card tonight?

you: Is it like "a few days" which stretches well beyond a week?

you: Only if you're going to guarantee me an answer (yes OR no, just an answer one way or the other) tonight.

you: And if this chat feature is for new applications only, how come I received an invitation to chat when I arrived on the Check Status of Application page?

you: Are you going to answer any of my questions, or have you just decided to ignore me now?

Michelle: You may send an e-mail directly to our Customer Service Department and receive a response from a Customer Service Specialist in 24 hours or less. Click here to e-mail our Customer Service Department.

Michelle: It was a pleasure assisting you today. To exit this chat session, please click the Close button. Thanks for choosing Bank of America, have a great day!

Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.

Perhaps I will actually hear back from this mysterious "Customer Service Specialist" within 24 hours... perhaps the promised "response" will involve them violating the sanctity of my man-parts... Tune in on your irregular schedule for further updates regarding your favorite year-plus-long-updating-blogger! w00t!